Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Pre-School Fail

Mother's Day Out is like pre-pre-school. Everyone I know puts their little guy or gal in school around Russ' age. I know, school for a one year old? Sounds dumb but it's awesome.

The school trend is actually a simple equation:
1 yr= 1 day, 2 yr= 2 days, 3= 3 days, 4 = 4, 5=kindergarten.

Mother's Day Out is outstanding for many reasons. First, my super shy son can learn to be without me while making friends, discovering new things, and enjoying music, recess and chapel. He can also learn that he is ok when he is not attached to me. This time is equally important for me, so I can do things like shop at Ann Taylor Loft and drink cheap wine at Hollywood Nails. Yeah right, I wish. Let's try again... This time is also important to me so I can learn to be without my son and realize that I, too, will be ok. Oh yeah, I can also do things like wash my car, dry my hair, and go to the dentist.

Yesterday was Meet the Teacher. I was so nervous that Evan would spend the entire time pacing the halls with a crying Russ while I listened to the teacher tell me that she would have all ten 1 yr olds sleeping on nap mats. What? However, we were both impressed as Russ peacefully hung out and played with the toys. We left knowing that this was one of the best decisions we were making. Last night, I was so excited as I pictured Russ wearing his extra preppy 1st Day of School Clothes, while planning Evan's and my cool lunch date in Deep Ellum. It was like Christmas.

Exploring the recess room at Meet the Teacher
Well, today was the big day. Everything was perfect. The end.

Ok, well actually it was a disaster. He made it known that he was not a fan of his prepster gear, he hated his backpack, and the nap mat was just ridiculous. ("Mom, I sleep in a crib. While I appreciate that you spent $49 on this puffy nap mat with sports balls all over it, let's just be open and honest about this. You wasted your money and might as well just give it to Ollie.") The good news is that we managed to get one picture of Russ not crying- ok he was crying but you can't tell because it was taken from behind.

Evan had a meeting this morning, so I was on my own taking the school boy to campus. Holy mackerel. So, as I was squatting down, neatly putting his baseball backpack, camo lunchbox, sports-themed nap mat, diapers, sippy cup (that he also hates) in his cubby, he decided he had had enough and pulled on my shirt. I lost my balance and literally fell on him. At this point I am sprawled across the hallway on top of my son and another Dad who witnessed this, uncomfortably said, "Wow. Strong little guy." and scooped up his adorable little girl and got the heck out of our way. So, this obviously makes dropping him off to his new teacher fun. (Let me note that the teachers are amazing, loving and experienced women.) Russ, of course, still not over the fact that I steamrolled him in public, screams bloody murder as he realizes that even his clumsy mom is a better option than the stranger. Once I had delivered the goods, I decided to use the restroom in order to buy some time to spy on Russ. His crying had calmed down a little, so I bolted. I had a disgusting car to wash and was not going to go another day with red crayon melted all over my cup holders. I literally made it half way through the car wash when the phone rang. Russ had barfed. He made it 44 minutes. And I STILL had melted red crayon in the car. Dang it.

I had no choice. Russ already knew the trick. You barf at school? You're done. Free to go. So I grabbed him, chatted with the director about a plan to get him used to school, and Russ had an awesome time eating out of his camo lunchbox at the carwash. So what did I learn today? I guess you can take a 1 yr old to a car wash.

*** I forgot to mention the fact that Russ still drinks from a bottle- like, a lot. He doesn't do a paci or have a lovie- but he enjoys sippin' back a cold one a few times a day. Can't blame him. So, during the "Any questions?" time when all the parents just stare at each other, I raised my hand and asked, "Is it ok if I bring a bottle? Russ still takes them several times a day." The room went silent. Dead silent. Everyone stared at me like I had walked in with a cost-co sized peanut butter jar in this nut-free school. The teacher smiled apologetically and said she was sure she could figure something out. What was happening? Well, after we left, Evan told me it sounded as though I was still breastfeeding my 15 month old (I guess this is where I have to say- "Not that there is anything wrong with that."- but there is. My son has like 87 teeth, so we knocked that off months ago.) So now, I'm the weirdo that is probably related to the chick on Time magazine with the 5 year old attached to her chest. So, as of today, I don't think Russ and I have many friends at that school.

Russ enjoying his first day of school

Russ wearing his "extra clothes for those just-in-case moments." Too bad he "just-in-cased" all over himself to get out of school. Here he is happily eating out of his lunch box at the carwash. 


  1. Is it wrong that I laughed through this whole post?

  2. Hilarious...but I also feel for you. It will get better. We had many many tears at the beginning...no barf, but tears :)

  3. Oh my gosh, Sally! This might be the most hysterical thing I've ever read- only because we have all been there (in one way or another!). I promise it gets better- maybe not perfect- but better! :)

  4. That is SERIOUSLY one of the BEST blog posts I have ever read! OH MY! Sorry it was at the expense of your bad day!! You need to join my friend Jennifer to write for Dallas Moms Blog, you would rock at that! Here's to a better day next week!

  5. Thanks so much, y'all. Jamie, I would love to write for Dallas Moms blog! I follow them. I've offered to write about education for them but never heard back. Maybe I could be the "black sheep" of the group. The one with the crazy stories about the crazy baby and the crazy husband who owns the vodka distillery. I would be like the "Samantha" or "Blanche" of the mom world! ;) Actually, that's hilarious.

  6. This is hilarious- I was laughing the entire way through!!! Hope the next week is much better !!!